Unsung Heroes

You know, they could be all around you.  They may live on your street or in your neighborhood.  There are two on our street and two more who were once part of the group.  You may run into them in the grocery store or the gym.  They may be sitting next to you in the beauty parlour or the bus.  Who are these strange creatures?

They are military spouses, that’s who.  And in many ways they are the ones who also need remembering on Remembrance Day.  They are the real heroines and heroes behind so many of our military personnel and veterans.  I say spouses whereas some years ago I would almost exclusively have spoken of wives.  But today there are military women who are supported by their husbands.  But whatever the gender, they all must be remembered and honoured.

We see, of course, the Silver Cross Mother every year at the Remembrance Day ceremonies, representing mothers who have lost children to war.  But we never see a Silver Cross Wife.  Most people have no idea what it is like to lose a spouse in their young years, often with a family to raise and explain why Mom or Dad is not coming home. 

But the real story is with the day by day and year by year experiences of these spouses who see a service member through an entire military career.  They start the life with optimism and enthusiasm.  Unlike the military member, there is no basic training for the spouses in their new life.  They are not told how to withstand the long absences.  They are not told how to react when they hear of death or disaster; how to tell the children why Dad or Mom can’t be there for their school graduation; how to understand what often sound like inane or stupid orders from their spouse’s senior officer; how to give birth without their husband; how to support other military spouses when they need help; how to uproot their homes every couple of years because their spouse has just received a new posting.  And they don’t tell you that you will have to do this year after year for as long as your spouse chooses to stay in their military career.      

“The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.”
  - Calvin Trillin

But the really amazing thing is that so many military spouses do all that and more.  They run the household. They cook the meals. They manage the household budget.  They pay the bills and do the shopping.  They get the kids off to school every morning and get them to bed every night.  They don’t complain (much) when the biggest snow fall of the year arrives two days after their soldier or sailor deploys for the winter or for a year.  They referee the sibling arguments.  They get everything ready for the next move and then unpack everything at the other end.  They attend the parent teacher interviews that you can’t.  They keep the small, daily disasters a secret from you when you’re away.  They don’t turn to you for help when the furnace breaks down because they know exactly what to do, or know someone who does.  They do this all by themselves because you are busy fighting terrorists or pirates or helping out in a natural disaster; because you are doing your job. And for some of them, the day comes when they have to tend to your damaged body or mind, or they have to arrange to have you buried.  They truly are heroines or heroes.  They deserve our praise because they allow your soldiers, sailors and airmen to protect your country.  So when you shake the hand of a person in military uniform, give their spouse a big hug too.

So here’s to Mary and Barb, Lynne and Verna and Pat and Monica and Bev and Marlene and Alice and Sue and Denee and John.  God bless them all and so many more.

“If the Navy had wanted you to have a wife, they would have issued one.”

Numerous Navy Chief Petty Officers when I was a young officer