Barbeque Tips and Quips

It’s summer, at least in the northern hemisphere, so it must be time to turn attention to barbequing.  I like barbequing most things.  But I sometimes wonder at the way we go about things.

Let’s take steaks for example which is a barbeque favourite to most.  Personally, I cannot barbeque a steak properly. I follow directions, I marinade it to death, I sear it and it still turns out like shoe leather.  But a lot of people do cook them properly and really enjoy them.  They know the right cuts of meat to buy.  They prepare them when the steaks are fresh.  Then they drown them in marinade the night before and then slather them in barbeque sauce while the steaks are cooking.  All this so that they can get that real steak taste.

Hamburgers are another favourite for summer barbeques.  You can acquire hamburger patties in a number of ways.  The easiest way, and my favourite method, is to buy them already made.  But, of course, this does not satisfy the purist.  They must be made by hand in your own kitchen.  So first you go out and carefully shop for the perfect ground beef; from the best type of beef, with just the right percentage of fat.  Even better is to choose the best cut of steak and grind it yourself.  You now have the best meat in order to make the finest burger patties.  You know they are going to be juicy and taste incredible.  You mix the meat with a few spices, a little salt and maybe even a touch of pepper. You gently shape the patties to just the right shape, size and thickness.  Oh! These are going to taste wonderful.  It’s now time to flash up the barbeque to just the right temperature.  What’s you favourite heating method?  Does your barbeque have to have charcoal briquets with a sprinkle of hickory mixed in?  Or are you okay with propane or natural gas?  I much prefer natural gas for its convenience and consistency, but of course I’m not a purist.

Now you’re ready to cook these marvellous creations.  You carefully watch for any change in the temperature of the barbeque.  You watch the burgers as they sizzle and brown.  You cook them fairly slowly so that the heat will get right through them.  You have your water pistol handy in case of flare-ups.  You don’t take any chances.  A minute or two before the burgers are ready, you bring out the fresh buns and put them on a rack above the cooking surface so they will toast a bit.  And finally, everything is ready.  People’s mouths are watering in anticipation.  You carefully pair each burger with a bun, except for your teenage son who wants two burgers on his bun.  Oh, and of course there is your teenage daughter who has just announced that she is a vegetarian.  Nonetheless, everyone sits down with their burger.

And now the final ceremony begins.  Everyone starts ladling the accompaniments on their burger; tomatoes, onions, pickles, ketchup, mustard, relish, cheese and lettuce.  All the better to bury the taste of that lovely burger patty!